Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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