i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
