If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
