you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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