Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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