I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
