I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
