So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
