my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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