kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
