I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
