My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
