Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
