GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
