Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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