So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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