Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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