So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize