You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
