The maid of honor just puked.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
