So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
