Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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