oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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