My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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