i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's always time for handjobs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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