covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this will be a night to untag.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
