u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
