You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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