This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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