She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
