Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
