Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
