I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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