we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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