Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
