If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
