actually, I'm a sock model
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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