My hand turned me down
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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