the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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