he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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