my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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