Small penises have feelings too.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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