he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
