He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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