pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
two words: eviction party
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
