His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
