My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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