Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
