Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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