Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
