Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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