im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
