Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
