you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
