it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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