roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
