You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
