i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize