I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
