bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
