I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
