I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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