I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
