Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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