We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
