At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
