At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
